Fat Momma – #1

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2006 – Esteem Comics

Created By: Nell Wilson
Story: Nell Wilson | Matthew Atherton
Script: Tony Miello
Art: Tony Miello
Letters: Peter DeLorenzo

Lucky The One-Eyed Stray Dog
Story: Layne Toth
Art: Layne Toth
Letters: Brett R. Pinson
Colour: Brett R. Pinson

Fat Momma Meets See-Thru-Baby
Story: Peri Toth
Art: Levi Krause | Peri Toth
Colours: Brett R. Pinson

A long time ago in a timeslot far, far away, Stan Lee decided to make his own reality show. Who Wants To Be A Superhero. It was a terrible show that was strangely hypnotic. Fat Momma was a finalist from the first season and this is her comic book.

The cover, apart from frightening me to the core, makes you believe the interior holds the same, but that is not the case. The interior art is far less typical-comic-book art and more like… bare minimum. Simple lines with as few colours as possible, just like an old children’s comic book. All the people look ugly. Everything else is passable.

The writing reminds me exactly like those Christian comic books that get handed out for free. At the beginning, there’s an introduction and message from Nell Wilson (Fat Momma) telling us it’s okay to be fat and to love ourselves for who we are. She also explains that this comic is about raising self-esteem. I’m sorry, but I don’t see where the awesome cover and “Pulse-Pounding Action” bubble come into play here.

We get a prime taste of what the comic’s like on the second page when she comes to rescue of chunky boy getting bullied by two kids.

You can’t let them do this to you. They only say hurtful things because they are not happy with themselves. Just walk away and ignore them and they’ll go away. And if they don’t, tell a teacher or another adult who can help you.

And then we come to the origin part of the story. So these punks are mad at teach for getting them suspended. What do they do? They steal her lunch, someone manage to break into an abandoned chemical building that still has open barrels of bubbling toxic goo. They put on those nifty, thick, rubber gloves and dip a frosted donut into the green ooze.

Still with me? I won’t blame you if you leave. It was hard getting through this book myself.

Lunchtime hits and Nell’s on to eating her donut. Sure the donut looks fine after being dunked in God-knows-what. It just tastes funny. Later that day, after a nap, she learns her first few super-powers. She has a sort of.. uh… bully sense, she can yell with enough for to knock people over or send them flying, and she can fly herself. When she explains this to, I think it’s her daughter, she’s A-Okay about it and starts making her some threadz.

If your somehow hanging on  my every word, or some sort of masochist, you’ll be wondering who the evil villain of this story is… Well, it’s the editor of SELFimage magazine, who is angry that Fat Momma is giving the public back their self image.

That’s all I can really stomach explaining this story. I’m amazed I’ve lasted this long. When I first started this review, the only words I could come up with were “This is total crap. Just trust me on this.” But I didn’t want to suffer alone. By recounting all I could stomach, not only were you made aware how awful this book is, but it might have scarred you in some small way which helps me feel better.

This story lasts only 8 pages and there’s no pulse-pounding action at all. Nothing. We just get to read another extremely awfully drawn story about a one-eyed dog. And when I say awfully drawn, I mean it. They needed a colourist? Anyone could have managed that.

This story is actually a continuation of something, somewhere else, that I won’t even bother researching. I know only from it being referenced. This story is more of a crossover where Fat Momma encounters the bullied dog and comes to his aid by eating a donut and growing five times her normal size and help him.

And on to another crossover where Fat Momma Meets See-Thru-Baby.There’s even a maze in the back of the book where you must help Fat Momma get through the spaghetti to reach the donut.

Horrible. I’m not sure that even as a child I would like this. I realise I’m being harsh, as apparently the crossovers were done by children, and props to them, but as an adult, I can’t believe I spent spare change on this. If I paid the full $5 price asked at the convention where this was available, I ‘m not sure what I would have done. It would have been destructive possibly involving scissors and fire.

You have been warned. And if you’ll excuse me, I need to sit down with Noise and find my happy place again.

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